I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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