a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
