Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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