I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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