So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
