Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
