so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
