For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Found the puke drawer
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
