apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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