so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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