and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
