is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
