I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
