Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
