he thought i was a dude.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
