making cat noises will not fix the situation.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
