Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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