The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
