her vagina looked like bernie madoff
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
