oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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