if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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