her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
