I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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