if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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