man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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