Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
