we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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