It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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