pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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