i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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