The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
