Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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