Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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