so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
