Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
