i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my being single is dangerous.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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