I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
