Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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