Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes

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(850): View more from Florida

i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.

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(847): View more from Illinois

chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.

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(720): View more from Colorado

My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?

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(760): View more from California

Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...

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(519): View more from Ontario

I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.

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(707): View more from California

Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.

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(707): View more from California

He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you

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