her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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