No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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