if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You were trust falling into bushes
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize