the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
