i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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