Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
