I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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