The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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