Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
