we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
