Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
