yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
