I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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