woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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