maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sex in the backyard? Check.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
