I must be too annoying 4 u.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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