Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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