her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
