Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize