All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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