Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
