So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
