5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
