What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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