I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
